then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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