it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
