I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
