sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My ass is underappreciated
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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