where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
either way he was missing a nipple.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
