I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
