so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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