she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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