I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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