If i come over, it means nothing
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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