Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
