I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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