Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
