I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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