i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
