Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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