are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
