Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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