Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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