"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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