Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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