u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im on a boat
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