She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize