i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Someone shattered a urinal.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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