It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
