You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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