meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
