I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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