Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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