Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
