You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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