I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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