WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
