we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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