You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
