just come out here and I will go home with you...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
