I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Even my vagina gasped.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
