I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
