Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize