i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
