I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
