She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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