Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
