remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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