There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
