I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
