Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
