and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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