dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
