I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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