neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
