Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
