were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my being single is dangerous.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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