so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
