my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
