i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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