Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
