even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
