I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
