I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
