Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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