you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize