My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
