I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
