did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
