why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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