I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
