Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
