You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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