I think my vagina is haunted
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
