you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
