It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
