I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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