I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
