i just wanna soil my oats bro
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
