When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
